Who Am I?

I got to thinking one day last week Who Am I? The question sat on my heart and mind all day and while waiting for some friends to arrive at a restaurant I started to write this.... 

As a mom, wife, sister, daughter, aunt, sunday school teacher,team manager, friend etc... sometimes I feel like I'm not sure who I really am anymore. One of my goals as a person is to be truly authentic and consistent. I think I'm authentic but I know I'm not successful in the consistency part.

Sometimes I just feel all over the place. Who am I? How did I get here? Why am I here? I feel like a shell of who I used to be....but then again who was I? Was I or am I the same person as I was back then? Has life changed me for the better? I think not?! I feel like I have grown tremendously in some areas but can't ever seem to get out of the rut in others.  I seem stay focused on the "others".  

If I am like this, how can I be a mother to my kids and teach them to live? I don't even know what I'm doing or who I am?!?!?  As I said before, I feel like I lack consistency. People on the outside have a distorted view of who I am. But is that person I am? 

That's as far as I got..... I just feel like I get lost in all the hats I wear and I'm not sure what that means, how to take it,  or if I should even care.....

Mean Girls

It's tough being a woman in a mean world.

I am doing a bible study on the book of Esther. The statement above is one of the things we have learned.  

Here are some things to think about as you are dealing with other people...specifically woman to woman in this mean world. Are you a mean girl or do you know someone that is?

Meanness always has a history.

Just as Mordecai and Haman were enemies because of a long family history of hating one anothers "kind"

Meanness perceives a threat.

What am I perceiving as a threat when I react this way or that to people?

Why is my reaction "mean girl"?

Or...What am I doing or not doing to make the mean girl perceive me as a threat?

We compare ourselves to those we perceive as the biggest threat in our.

Who is my rival?

Why are they, or why do i perceive them as my rival?

Insecurity is at the heart of every rivalry.

Meanness catches like a virus.   

You can pass it around to others around you.

You can pass it down. Down to your children and other generations.

Anger is a source for people who feel they have no power. Mean girls will get mad and have a fit and people will just give into it and go along because no one wants to deal with it.

Coming in contact with a mean girl raises up your own mean girl!

Meanness is curable.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil.

Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Do not take revenge

Leave room for God's wrath

If your enemy is hungry, feed her; 
If she is thirsty, give her something to drink. 

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

(taken from Romans 12:17-21)

Speechless--Revised

So I decided I was just being lazy and lame and did a bunch of blogging today while my kids were home sick from school.

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I really want to blog but I don't feel like I have anything to say...*sigh*

Maybe I don't want to take the time? 

Maybe I don't want to be vulnerable? 

Maybe I just don't feel like what I have to say really means all that much?

So here I am...speechless

Is There Such a Thing?

Is there such a thing as guilt free mothering? The past three weeks I have heard so many mothers who feel similar to almost exactly how I feel.  Why Why Why all the insecurities and guilt in mothering?????  

As the past couple weeks have revealed to me this massive amount of  guilt and inadequate feelings that mothers are overwhelmed that affect them and the way they are mothering.  I have felt very compelled to start something....I just don't know what it looks like yet.  

These are some of the ideas rolling around in my head:

Hasn't it been said the best way to receive is to give.  I would love to take opportunities with a group of moms to go serve. Serve at a local shelter or  food bank, making sandwiches for the homeless and heading downtown to deliver them personally, going to a assisted living center and painting ladies nails, etc... 

I want to meet in my home and be real with other moms about struggles. Why am I so guilty? Why am I wishing these years away? How come I get so angry? Why do I have no patience? Did God know what he was doing when he called me to be a mom?  

However, I don't want to give the struggles and downers a whole lot of attention.  I  want us to focus on the positives and triumphs we have experienced in that week. Focusing on what brought us joy, if we learned something from our children, if our children learned something from us, if we had a breakthrough with one of our children or ourselves, did we conquered the feelings of inadequacy or guilt at any certain moment we were faced with it or how we were purposeful in one thing or twelve things during that week.  Turning our focus on the good things we do and are, rather than the things we did not do or that we are not!

I want us to break off and pray for one another. So many times you tell people "I will be praying for you" and you never do.  I want to spend time committed to lifting each mom up in prayer. Making sure each one knows that someone is praying for them and that God is listening.

We have a group at my church called Mom's n' Tot's.  I love it, but I feel like I need to be doing more. More for my close friends who are struggling. More for mom's who don't have a Mom's n Tot's program or can't attend. We have to stop this cycle of guilt, comparing, insecurities and hopelessness so we truly can be the best person not only for our children but for ourselves and God.

 

Do I Dare Say....?

*Disclaimer* I did not vote for or against the current President. I neither claim to be a Republican or Democrat. 

This hoopla over the President talking to our kids has stirred up some heated discussions. Usually I stay out of politics because I don't keep up with what is going on, so I really have no room to join in on a conversation that I don't have full facts on.  But I'm going to give my two cents on this anyway....

I've read the Presidents speech and do not understand what the deal is. He is encouraging our kids to study hard, work hard, do their best and to stay in school.  The President, no matter what party they are affiliated with, pep talking me would make me feel  pretty special. Realizing the President of the United States took time to speak to me would feel pretty cool.   

I am glad that he made his speech public beforehand so parents had the chance to view the material and determine whether or not they wanted their children to take part in the event. Which leads me to my argument....

How many parents out their are viewing the material their children are being taught on a daily basis in school. How many of you have researched the curriculum for your child science class? People are FREAKING out about a one time pep talk to our students. Shouldn't we be researching and questioning what is being taught in Health classes, History classes, Science classes, etc., to our children on a daily basis for 12 years.  

Obama was not pressing any religious values on anyone nor did I think he was pressing any political agenda on our children. Yet our science classes in school systems press an atheistic view. They don't teach both sides--creationism and evolution. They are to only be taught evolution.  History classes are made up of history books created by people who pick and choose what they think are the most important facts about the World and its history.  Health classes teach our children views on sex, human bodies and sexuality based on what they think are the important facts to touch on. 

I'm not sure how the President speaking to our children with nothing political or religous involved in his speech should warrant people saying he is trying to brainwash our children. Take a closer look please, and realize they are being brainwashed/influenced by the everyday curriculum they are taught, the kids they are around, the teachers they have, the people they interact with every day of their lives.  It's up to you, as a parent, to be their biggest influence and teacher! 

Therefore, my assessment is that the only message Republicans are sending out about themselves is--CRAZY! If you feel that strongly about the President speaking to our children about staying in school you shouldn't have your kids in the public school system. One speech by the President should pale in comparison to how your influencing them, and what your teaching your kids, right?